so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
