I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
