Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
