Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
