Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
