Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize