So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
