Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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