don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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