She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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