Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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