HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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