He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
