dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
