I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
