are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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