He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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