hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
