at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
