OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
