3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
