how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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