I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
