I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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