I CAN MOONWALK!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
