I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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