Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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