drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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