i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
