Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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