I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it glows. i had to have it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
40s are totally the cure
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
