New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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