turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize