saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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