I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
