i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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