love makes seman taste better
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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