Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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