i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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