the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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