your parents love me but you hate me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
