i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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