C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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