I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
