Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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