I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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