yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
