Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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