cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
