you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
