so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
