Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
