I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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