We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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