just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
