Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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