I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dear god my vagina.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
