I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
