When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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