Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
