How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
