when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
