fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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