You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize