Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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