i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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