I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
