In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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