The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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