i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
