this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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