i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
