i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
