i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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